Repeating The Pattern of Dysfunctional Relationships
How We Repeat the Pattern of Dysfunctional Relationships In Adulthood by Dr. Melanie Salmon
Our childhood experiences can have a significant impact on our future adult relationships, they often repeat trigger a pattern of dysfunctional relationships in adulthood. So much of our life is determined by the experiences we had as a child, especially when we were very young, under the age of seven. If our childhood was a traumatic one – neglectful or damaging in some way – subconsciously we will carry that into
adulthood.
One way we notice our past impacting our present is in the relationships we seek and the patterns of behaviour we repeat.
Early dysfunctional relationships
The very first relationship we have is with our primary caregiver – it’s usually mum, but it might be dad, a sibling, a grandparent, or a nanny – and this will ‘set the template’ for all our future relationships.
If we were unable to bond with our primary caregiver, if the relationship was full of criticism and it was emotionally, mentally, or physically destructive in some way, then we are very likely to have absorbed that behaviour – that ‘template’ – and will find ourselves repeating it in our adult relationships over and over again in almost the same way.
This is why you may find that you have very similar relationships that end in similar ways. You repeat the same mistakes yet discover you cannot do anything consciously to break the pattern.
Boundaries and Dysfunctional Relationship
Relationship boundaries
So, what is a ‘healthy relationship’ and what behaviours are not so healthy? Let’s look at boundaries in adult relationships, three common types on the spectrum.
When we speak of boundaries, the best way to understand them is by visualising the boundary surrounding a property, the fence for example. The barrier between the property and the outside world. We will use this as a metaphor for our own boundary, our energetic boundary: what sort of quality does your fence have?
Keeping our metaphor in mind, we will now look at the first common type of relationship boundary: ‘underbounded’.
Underbounded
If we have an underbounded fence, if we don’t have a good healthy boundary keeping the outside world out, then we are inclined to feel smothered in our relationship. Our partner will come far too quickly, far too much, into our space, thereby taking us over. We are likely to feel overwhelmed.
Underbounded boundaries will generally stem from a childhood where the primary caregiver was very fearful. For example, every time you left their sight, they would call you back and try to hold on to you. This type of early relationship creates an underbounded future for the child. A child from this start in life will be anxious and clingy, and when it is time to separate, e.g. time to attend school, there will be many problems separating from mum.
Overbounded
Next, we have ‘overbounded’. In simple terms, overbounded is the opposite of underbounded, meaning we were not able to get what we needed from our primary caregiver as a child. In essence, this is an absence of the primary bonding experience: skin-to-skin, eye-to-eye contact, giving an emotional closeness crucial for normal development as a baby.
This occurs in any condition creating mum to be shut off: postnatal depression, her own trauma, alcoholism, etc. The consequence is that ’we’ the child felt neglected emotionally. In this scenario, we (the child and then the adult) will build an impenetrable wall, rather than a fence, around ourselves in defense. A brick wall 20 feet high that prevents anyone else from coming in and hurting us again. All of this is an unconscious process which we are not aware of until we have difficulty connecting as adults.
The pattern of dysfunctional relationships
As you will no doubt see, underbounded and overbounded are the two ends of the
spectrum: you may let everybody in, or you may let nobody in. Neither is conducive
to a healthy relationship, and both can be traced back to the relationship we had with
our initial caregiver.
Although the above is a simplified explanation – we have not covered everything in between – it serves to illustrate the impact our early relationships can have on our adult behaviour.
Healthy boundaries
Finally, we have a relationship with healthy boundaries. Neither underbounded nor overbounded, in this relationship we have clearly defined boundaries. We are very clear what our fence looks like, and we choose who we let in; we have the ability to refuse entry to anyone else.
Those who go into a relationship with healthy boundaries will have a very different experience to those who enter one based on childhood traumatic experiences.
Breaking the Pattern of Dysfunctional Relationships
So, what can be done? While we might like to, there’s little we can consciously do to break these patterns of behaviour: the relationships we seek and the boundaries we have.
We are a product of our past. Every experience we have ever had, good or bad, is imprinted within us, crystallising as the core beliefs, or ‘truths’ we hold about who we are and how the world works. This is our conditioning, and it is ‘stored’ in our subconscious mind.
Everything that has happened to you right up to this very moment has moulded you into the person you are. In this way, our past directly influences the way we see, feel and act today. The way you behave in your relationships. What you choose to do –or not do.
Changing The Trauma Stories
And so, the only way to change these sorts of trauma stories is by working with the subconscious mind, as explained by pioneering epigeneticist Dr Bruce Lipton who ‘found that our DNA and genes are not the ones controlling our bodies, but that our DNA is controlled from signals that come from outside the cell, and these are signals that come from the energetic messages from our thoughts, both positive and negative.’
As trauma gets hardwired into the brain, it does not go away unless you have a technique that can access the subconscious mind and work specifically and carefully- and delicately – with the issues, like my own work QEC. That can then allow for full healing.
Changing Our Limiting Beliefs
By changing our long-held limiting beliefs and releasing ourselves from traumas of the past, we can alter our behaviour and adjust our boundaries, fundamentally changing the way we feel about ourselves and the world around us. Most commonly used for working with trauma, depression, grief and loss, stress, health, and relationships, you can learn more about the QEC method here.
Why Choose Homeopathy for Children? Supporting children’s health naturally through homeopathy by Naturopath, Karen McElroy.
Why Choose Homeopathy For Children
As any parent will know, the rapid growth and development a child goes through from birth through to early adulthood is phenomenal. This growth requires abundant energy and good vitality. One of the best things to remember when making choices for your kids is that “children are not little adults.” Kids are sensitive, they are still growing and have their own needs and requirements as they follow their own trajectory of development. We should try to minimise ‘adult’ environmental conditions before our children are old enough to handle them. This is true of everything from the dosage of medication, exposure to processed foods to television shows, the news, and other adult topics of conversation.
Developmentally, a child’s organs do not reach maturity until the teenage years. As such, they are less effective at handling toxins, through the kidneys or liver. So when it comes to medicines and foods, wherever possible we should consider safe and natural options like homeopathy for children. Supporting children’s health naturally with gentle medicine options and quality nutritious foods gives them the best start in life.
Why Homeopathy For Children And Infants Is So Popular
Like all plants and animals, our bodies have an innate intelligence or natural capacity to heal and self-regulate. This inner power or vital force is understood and harnessed in all-natural health traditions and is seen to govern growth and development as well as healing and repairs of the body. So long as the environment is favourable to our body, this innate vital force does a great job of keeping us healthy. The environment is everything from the food we eat, to our sleep quality, our home life, and relationships. So when children are sick, we must identify where the imbalance has occurred and endeavour to make changes to allow the body to heal. Consider for example, whether there is enough nutrition being provided, whether sufficient sleep is being obtained or whether there is too much screen time or stress and disharmony in the home. An imbalance that leads to symptoms and illness can often be remedied by making necessary changes in the environment.
In some cases, additional natural medicines can be offered that can help support faster healing or strengthen the constitution and can be especially useful when the environmental conditions are difficult to change or will take some time to be effective. Homeopathy for children is a great tool to support children’s health naturally. Homeopathy has a natural affinity with children and offers a very safe and effective option for many health complaints.
Homeopathy was founded by Samuel Hahnemann, a German medical doctor who, by a chance experiment, discovered that some plants could cause a range of symptoms, but when the same plant was used in a much smaller diluted dosage, it could treat the same symptoms. This came to be known as the Law of Similars, or ‘like cures like’. Broader principles of homeopathy were developed along with foundations of natural medicine practice, giving rise to the homeopathic tenets that remedies should be gentle, do no harm, have a rapid impact on symptoms, and deal with the underlying root cause of the disease. A reason homeopathy for children and infants is so popular.
Homeopathy has continued to be a popular medicine and despite modern medicine’s focus on powerful drugs and big profits, new scientific understanding of energy and the quantum field suggest that the body has many layers from the physical to the vibrational/energetic, and thus homeopathic medicines can work on the more subtle layers to effect change right across the body.
Homeopathic medicines come from many different natural substances, including minerals, plants, and animals. They aim to treat the whole person, and thus symptoms are evaluated on both the physical body level as well as the level of the mind in order to find a remedy that matches closely. Finding a remedy that displays as many similarities to the symptom picture gives the best chance of it working. There are remedies for just about every health complaint, and many symptom pictures can be found in more than one remedy, so honing in on the best one, with the best match to the child’s illness picture is important.
Popular Homeopathic Remedies For Children
Some popular homeopathic remedies for children’s health complaints include Pulsatilla for cold, coughs, and clinginess, Chamomilla for teething and diarrhoea, and Arnica for bumps, sprains, and bruises. When selecting a remedy, a process called repertorising is used by a homeopath, where all the symptoms are listed in as much detail and then cross-referenced with the remedy picture to ensure the correct remedy is found.
Homeopathic medicines are normally dispensed in small sucrose pilules that have the remedy absorbed into them or they are suspended in liquids. They are easy to administer to children and they are very safe as the physical substance has been diluted and there is no risk of overdose. Remedies come in different potencies, from very low potency which is closest to the physical substance, through to very high potency that has a higher frequency imprint of the medicine. Generally speaking, the lower potencies are used for more physical health issues, while the higher potencies are used for more emotional and mental symptoms. A popular mid-range potency is 30c, which means the remedy has been diluted and potentised 30 times.
Homeopathic First Aid Kits And Remedy Books
While simple homeopathic first aid kits and remedy books are available and useful for administering at home for straightforward conditions, it is important to always have the backup of a medical professional to support and guide you in managing your child’s health, and serious health issues should always be treated and managed by a qualified health professional or doctor. Next time your child is struggling with a health issue, step back and see what is out of balance, make some healthy changes to their diet or lifestyle and consider using some homeopathic medicines to support your child’s return to health and vitality. Meanwhile, check out Karen’s Homeopathic First Aid Kits and Kids Healthy Lunchbox Book
Help Boost Your Kids Health
with these Nutritious And Tasty Lunch Ideas For Kids by Naturopath & Medical Herbalist Karen McElroy
Karen is a qualified naturopath, with over 20 years of clinical experience specialising in women and children’s health.She offers both in-person consultations at her clinics on the Sunshine Coast, Australia as well as offering online video or phone consultations for people internationally. Karen also speaks at conferences and runs a range of popular courses, workshops, and retreats. Visit her website for more information about homeopathy for children and adults at https://www.karenmcelroy.com.au/
Is your health your responsibility, or is your health your Dr’s responsibility?
Are we as a society giving over too much responsibility and control around our health to allopathic medicine and governments? Should governments or medical professionals be able to force medical interventions or take away a persons right to choose?
Is Your Health Your Government’s Responsibility?
One of the things we are seeing around the world today is situations where governments are forcing their people to have medical interventions, more specifically vaccinations without the right to choose.
Is this a step too far in taking away our human rights and body autonomy?
Could this be a step towards a more serious agenda where governments start to take more control over what they think is right for your health and wellbeing?
As someone who has been on more than one occasion being a victim of damage from mainstream medical intervention. And as a therapist who sadly has worked with a variety of people harmed by modern medicine.
I find it extremely disturbing how much control over your health is being pushed, advised by governments officials and advisors, some who are not really the most qualified to do so.
So many top Scientists, Virologists and Immunologists around the world are being censored or being silenced from sharing their alarming concerns or opinions. Concerns on not just how this so called Pandemic has been dealt with but questions around the statistics, the testing, the choice of therapeutic interventions and the psychological media that has accompanied this.
I could go more deeply into my concerns around not just the lack of expertise by some of these people behind the decisions. But perhaps the most serious concerns should be the money trails, the conflict of interests by many who have shares or received financial gifts in some form or another by the companies that are being used to roll out their preferred management of this pandemic.
Such as the choice of testing, the experimental vaccines that they cannot possibly guarantee is safe or that will be effective in the long-term. Especially when certain types of disease was excluded from the first phases of trials and the fact we don’t or can’t possibly know the long-term effects in a few months, few years and a few decades.
The reality is most decisions at the moment are not being made right now by the most qualified people in their field but by people in power or who will make financial or other types of large gain from these decisions.
Sadly by too many people in power who have horrendous reputations for putting their own agendas first. A situation where millions around the world are having their human rights, their rights of personal autonomy being taking away from them. Too many being forced, manipulated, even shamed and bullied into have an experimental vaccine who are at an extremely very very low risk of dying from Covid 19 from a situation according to one paper in the Lancet is more asyndemic than a pandemic.
Should We Trust Recommended Or Forced Jabs?
Should we ever allow our governments to force any sort of medical treatment or medical invasive intervention without someone’s agree consent and permission?
And should we be informed honestly about the possible risks. So many of the family and friends that I have spoken to had no idea that we were still in trial phases.
Even medical professionals I know are shocked at how many of their co-workers are ill informed.To me our health is mostly our responsibility, our health choices is our responsibility, we all should have choice. I mean you choose if you eat healthy or you don’t? You choose if you exercise or if you don’t? You can choose to have an operation or not.
The reality is we keep getting told about the facts, we keep getting implications that getting the vaccine is more safe, But it is? How can we possibly know so early on. Sadly I personally know of one person who has had a very serious reaction to one of vaccines one and a friends aunt who felt very ill after the vaccine and then died.
In this case they could not prove it was the vaccine like many cases even though the person had no health issues before. Now I know we are faced with difficulties choice there is a virus that is life threatening to some, especially to those with certain types of pre-existing conditions.
But I also wonder why people are not being given other options, why our governments ae not looking at other medical interventions. Or even providing everyone with supplements that are known to support the immune system.Why has our government never mentioned throughout this
Pandemic the basic fundamental importance of good nutrition, healthy eating? Do our governments really want to promote health and wellbeing or do they just want to promote big pharma interventions, especially at a time when profits in big pharma were starting to decline. Especially when so many government officials who make these decisions actually have shares or links to these companies.
So Should We Totally Trust Big Pharma?
Now the reality is yes many scientists, will have worked very hard, made many sacrifices in their own life to create these vaccines. But the reality is these vaccines have been fast tracked, most are still in experimental stage till 2023. But many people don’t realise that, they don’t actually realise they in many ways they are part of the experiment. Most people have no idea of the amount of scientists in this field who have had deep concerns about these vaccines and that some of these jabs are created with a new type of new science that has never been used before.
Unfortunately we know governments and modern medicine have made horrendous mistakes throughout the years. I became shocked on my own journey on how little many Doctors and Nurses knew about the medication they prescribed and the vaccines they promoted, Most never do their own research, most only check out the information they are told by their supervisors or basic information provided because they trust the NHS and trust that these companies have the patients interests at heart. But what is more important in the world today health or money? Also is saving money on certain types of treatments put before what is actual more safe or best for someone’s health?
The wiser more experienced Doctor who has sadly seen the other side of the coin tends to do their own medical research. They tend to ask questions and challenge what they are told. But even that today has become harder in approx October 2019 google started to lower the SEO rankings of many medical research papers and holistic research papers that didn’t suit certain agenda. Meaning it would be much harder for people to find certain articles and medical papers that didn’t align with what the medical and pharmaceutical industry wanted you to read. So basically it became even harder for the patient, the clinician and even experts to find information that wasn’t pharmaceutically or politically bias.
Well lets say they took that bias to a whole new level in 2020 and 2021 through such unbelievable censorship that we have come to question if we are indeed living in a communist country. We just need to see the amount of censorship on Social Media and TV, to see the amount of influence our governments and organisations linked to pharma have on the media and the narrative they want to serve.
Why Your Health Is Your Responsibility And Your Choice
I believe your health has to start as your responsibility and it is so important to become informed about your health and wellbeing so you can make educated choices. After a long list of horrendous medical experiences on my own journey. I came to realise how little many medical professionals know about the possible harm and damage of many of things they prescribe or use in modern medicine, And in the modern world we give our power over to many times to people we assume know best.
So how much does your medical practitioners honestly know about the dangers, allergies and serious side effects of so many medical interventions and vaccines today? Many don’t ever see the correlation, the short- term and long-term damage. But sadly some of my work involved supporting families dealing with children disabled by vaccine damage.
Most people have no awareness today how much vaccine damage there is and actually more concerning how much is not reported or published. I know through personal experience that most Doctors rarely report serious allergies or harm by medication or medical interventions using the yellow card.
The Biggest Causes Of Disease Today
We know the biggest causes of disease today are lifestyle choices and toxins. So what you eat, what you do or don’t do, what you drink, smoke or how you manage your life and stress will impact your health and wellbeing. Alongside things like poverty, bad housing, certain occupations, education, culture and environment can all impact our health. But many chronic health challenges today that makes us more vulnerable to certain diseases that are caused by own health choices and our exposure to modern day toxins.
In-fact in our modern world many people are under nourished simply because of poor and unhealthy eating. They have a poor immune system, inflammation, digestive issues because of what they consume and don’t consume. Many diseases today can be eliminated by a more healthy clean diet and lifestyle, so yes the medical system are often trying to treat the symptoms rather than prevent the most life-threatening diseases.
These words and thoughts are only my thoughts and wonders around my experiences and many of the people I have worked with. Experiences of my own, my clients, colleagues and friends in the holistic industry, the Dr.s, Nurses, Pharmacists and Scientists who have left mainstream modern medicine who believe in Do No Harm First.
Modern medicine, modern science is an incredible thing, modern medicine says millions of life’s every day. There are many government officials, doctors and nurses who genuinely care are faced with many difficult dilemmas and challenges every single day. But I believe when we give our body, our health autonomy to anyone else, especially our government, or medical field we are basically handing over our personal freedom, our personal human rights. A very very frightening step towards giving them so much more control to do as they will.
Women are more than twice as likely to develop Multiple Sclerosis as men. Multiple Sclerosis usually affects people between the ages of 20 and 50 years, and the average age of onset is approximately 34 years. Multiple Sclerosis can affect children and teens (pediatric MS).
I was 17 when I was diagnosed with Remitting-Relapsing Multiple Sclerosis (RRMS) in 1987. Back then MS was not very well known, and the Internet didn’t exist either, so no real way to research what MS is, other than taking the word of my Neurologist. I remember having symptoms as early as the age of 14.
I was constantly tired, and couldn’t keep up with my fellow students in gym class, running track. I slept a lot. My parents thought I was just being lazy. Because I was affected so early on in my life with MS, I knew I wanted to help others who were newly diagnosed with MS in whatever way I could. So I wrote a self-help book “Blue Fingers Brass Knuckles” full of diagrams, questions to ask your doctors, how to cope with the diagnosis through laughter, and the power of inspiration, faith, courage, and love.
In today’s world, MS is a common household word and you can Google information about MS. However; unless you’re following a teen with MS on social media to know the unique set of challenges that comes with it, you won’t know until you experience it…and even then, you’re left wondering…is this MS or just me?
Emotional Issues Of Teens With MS
There are approximately 8,000 to 10,000 Americans who have been diagnosed with MS before their 18th birthday. Although pediatric MS cases are rare, some studies estimate that 2 to 5% of all people with MS had symptom onset as a teenager or even younger. The good news is that pediatric MS specialists say teens who begin MS therapies soon after their diagnosis rarely develop disabilities before their 20th birthday and can lead a relatively symptom-free life well into adulthood.
“There’s some evidence that people who get pediatric remitting-relapsing MS move to progressive MS slower than those who are diagnosed as adults,” says Tim Lotze, MD, associate professor of child neurology at Texas Children’s Hospital at the Baylor College of Medicine. “Maybe that’s because the “lucky” ones who are diagnosed earlier start on treatment sooner.”
Different Physical Symptoms Teens With MS
But while teenagers may have fewer physical MS symptoms than adults, they can have more emotional or mental issues. Adolescence comes with all kinds of angst. Add in an MS diagnosis, and the stress can skyrocket. “You grow up fast when you’re diagnosed that young.” Here’s what I, other teens, their parents, and healthcare providers have learned about living with MS as an adolescent.
Difficulty with Diagnosis In Children With MS
The number of children diagnosed with MS seems to be holding steady in recent years, although accurate data is lacking, says Brenda Banwell, MD, chief of the Division of Neurology at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and director of the hospital’s Pediatric Multiple Sclerosis Clinic. However, the awareness of pediatric MS has increased considerably among healthcare practitioners, meaning children are more likely to be diagnosed quicker.
There’s also a growing amount of research focusing on pediatric MS.
The Canadian Pediatric Demyelinating Disease Network has performed a comprehensive prospective analysis of children with a first attack of what may be MS and has published extensively on the clinical, biological, and MRI features of MS in children.
Doctors and scientists affiliated with 18 clinical centers throughout the United States have formed the Network of Pediatric Multiple Sclerosis Centers to study the causes and treatment of pediatric MS. To learn more, visit usnpmsc.org.
These and other studies show that while MS symptoms are similar in teens and adults, teens may be more difficult to diagnose.
“Teenagers may have more vague symptoms like their back hurts, or they’re having headaches or migraines with blurry vision or they’re having trouble walking,” says Soe Mar, MD, director of the Pediatric Onset Demyelinating Diseases and Autoimmune Encephalitis Center at St. Louis Children’s Hospital at the Washington University School of Medicine. Couple those indeterminate symptoms with normal teenage stress and Dr. Mar says some clinicians may think a teen with MS is suffering from physical symptoms that are due to psychological trauma rather than MS.
Specific Teenage Symptoms Of Multiple Sclerosis
The onset of MS in children and youth is associated with a higher relapse rate and a higher volume of brain lesions, relative to early MS in adults. Pediatric MS occurs in the context of normal academic learning and during brain maturation. Of note, 30 to 40% of children with MS have a cognitive impairment, Dr. Banwell says. This impairment varies from mild to severe and mainly involves executive functioning, such as multitasking, organization, attention skills, processing speed, and word finding.
About a third of teens with MS have emotional issues, such as depression or anxiety or combination of both. But this mirrors the general population of teenagers, so it can be difficult to tell if MS is the culprit for mood disorders or if it’s simply being a teenager. Either way, mental health is an important facet of care for youth with MS.
When I was diagnosed at 17, I was devastated. Thinking I had something like cancer that I would die from. I was an emotional wreck. It was affecting me in every facet of my life. And because we didn’t know much about MS back then, doctors didn’t realize that mental health is an important part of “health care” for me, so I was stuck working through these emotions by myself.
That’s why I can’t emphasize enough how important is it to have partnerships with psychiatrists and psychologists for teens who have MS. These professionals can help teens and their parents sort out what’s causing depression or anxiety and how to best treat it.
Research shows that teenagers also tend to have more frequent relapses than adults, perhaps because they haven’t yet developed full nerve myelination, Dr. Lotze says. A 2014 study published in Multiple Sclerosis Related Disorders shows that children have 2.3 times more relapses than adults per year. The flip side is that children recover much better than adults from relapses,” Dr. Lotze says. “There seems to be fewer residual symptoms, maybe because myelin in children can repair faster. Or there could be something innate in the pediatric brain that can make new networks after an MS relapse.”
The Importance of Medications In Teens With MS
While MS therapies can reduce disease activity in teens, the key is persuading them to consistently take their medications. “A lot of teenagers don’t think they need medications after they recover from a relapse,” Dr. Mar says. Most teens think “I just want to be a normal kid and not have to take 20 pills a day or go in for my injections.”
Several high school students who were recently diagnosed with MS were interviewed on the importance of taking their MS medications and the response was amazing. One student says “it helped when her mom told her that MS was like having diabetes. Another student said, “If taking my medication will keep my MS symptoms away, I’m all for it…but I don’t like it.”
Early-stage Coping In Teens With MS
While an MS diagnosis can be devastating for anyone, it can be particularly difficult for teens and their families. Parents struggle to accept the diagnosis. “No one expects a child to be diagnosed with an adult disease,” Dr. Banwell says. One thing teenagers have going for them, though, is resilience.
There are many documentaries, YouTube videos, and programs on TV that tell stories of other teens with MS and how they overcame their fear. For example: there was an ESPN program on a female runner with MS. A boy who is an offensive lineman on his middle school and high school football teams approached his diagnosis like an athlete. He talked to a sports psychologist who told him that he only needed to focus on his MS for the five minutes a day he injected his medication. So, for 23 hours and 55 minutes, live life like you don’t have MS. Staying positive that MS won’t affect the rest of your life in a big way.
Freaked-out Parents Of Teens With MS
When my Mom and I walked into my neurologist’s office and were told I had MS my Mom bawled for at least 20 minutes. We looked at each other with that Mother-Daughter look knowing we had to stick together and be there for one another. Each other is all we had. This is a typical reaction for any parent as they don’t want to hear that their child has been diagnosed with an incurable disorder.
Sometimes the parents can be more of an issue for a physician than the child, due to them reading about medical journal articles and studies about MS regarding what could happen to their child. It’s terrifying! “Teenagers have a sense of invulnerability, so their MS can fade into the background. That’s not the case for the parents.” Dr. Banwell said a colleague recently completed a study showing that the impact of a child’s diagnosis with MS is so substantial for parents that they can end up using more healthcare resources than their child.
When you have a child, who has such a serious disease, you must have a strong support team. You cannot do this by yourself. Connecting with other parents of children in similar situations to ask questions to, and get support from, is invaluable.
Overcompensating Teenagers
While parental stress about their teen’s MS diagnosis is understandable, it can create additional emotional issues for the child. This is all happening while kids are at the age of trying to get independence from their parents. Teens tend to avoid talking to their parents about their disease because they don’t want to worry them.
One teen said “I look like a different person when I relapse. I look so sick, and I know that upsets my parents. I would talk to my Mom about it, but I don’t want to make her even more upset,” Napier says. “My Dad calls me constantly to see how I’m feeling. It breaks my heart to see how worried they are. I wish there was a way to let them know I’m going to be OK.”
Teenagers can also hide their feelings for other reasons. Many blame themselves when diagnosed with MS. “I was getting all this attention from my Mom because of my symptoms, and frankly I was enjoying it.” After the symptoms subsided, the initial attention from my Mom went away. I started wishing that something else would happen again so I would get more attention.” It’s sad, but true I felt this way. And then, I found out I had MS. I felt like it was my fault even though deep down I knew it wasn’t. It can take several months to stop feeling devastated that they “brought the disease upon themselves” and to admit those feelings to their family and friends.
Dr. Lotze says a key to breaking through these types of communication barriers is for parents to “not hide anything from the kid from day one. Parents need to make a plan on how to talk to their son or daughter.” A therapist can also help the whole family, including anxious or resentful siblings, open lines of communication.
School Relationships
Family relationships aren’t the only ones that suffer when teens are diagnosed with MS. Teens can face misunderstanding or even bullying about their disease. Most teens don’t want to tell their classmates about their MS diagnoses because they don’t want to be treated differently, or that rumors would be spread. They don’t want to be labeled “teachers’ pet” because of being allowed to turn in assignments late or eating lunch in the nurse’s office to rest. However; if you don’t face the truth by telling your story to stop the rumors, people will continue to say what they are going to say without knowing the truth.
The best way most teens find it helpful is to make a video so the entire school would know you have MS. You’re not looking for sympathy, you’re looking for support. Upload it to your YouTube channel, then post it on your social media. Word spreads. You can also ask the principal if they can post a link to your video for the school to see. By telling your story, the gossiping, the whispers, and the bullying will help stop this and help you make friends. MS is a lonely disease, so get out there and tell your story. You need a support system in every facet of your life.
Learning How to Be Different
It’s OK to not be OK. Being different from classmates is hard…. missing out on being excited to have your crush take you to homecoming or attending school football games with your friends. Keeping a positive mindset makes all the difference in the world, it will keep you moving forward, climbing up this hill called life, and MS is just one more thing in your backpack to make you stronger.
Perhaps being diagnosed with MS has sparked an interest to be a neurologist specializing in pediatric MS. Or being an MS advocate helping others with their meal plans and workouts. This can include becoming a health and wellness coach, specializing in helping others with MS to manage their symptoms naturally. By now, you can see the blessings of being diagnosed with MS as a teenager. You can show others that you can get through anything.
The MS Wellness Coach
Hi, I’m Jen Martin a Master Certified Wellness Coach, specializing in helping women with MS to combat fatigue, increase energy levels, and improve their overall health naturally, so that they can live life with vitality and abundance. On Facebook, I’m known as The MS Wellness Coach – empowering those living with MS and other auto-immune disorders how to manage their symptoms naturally.
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